I have a confession to make.... last night I went in to check on TJ, he was sound asleep and looked so cute that I just had to stare at him. I stared and fell in love all over again. I mean he is so perfect and adorable and the complete love of my life (along with my loving husband). I couldn't resist, so I picked him up (I know the golden rule of parenting "let sleeping dogs lie", but I couldn't help myself) and got in the glider and rocked with him. I rocked and kissed his head and rocked and all of the sudden I was crying.
Being a mom had made me much more emotional than I have ever been in my life. Every time there is a story on the news about a child hurt or missing, I have to turn the television off. I can not stomach hearing about children being hurt. At school, I am much more aware that the kids I teach are somebodies TJ and I have become a more patient teacher because of it. On the flip side, I also find myself a little resentful that I spend more time with other peoples children than my own. Which brings me back to last nights confession.
I have such little time to spend with TJ once school started. We love his daycare and they are wonderful with him, but sometimes I feel like a failure when it comes to being a mom. What kinda mom spends 10 hours with other people's children and only 2 with her own? Being a working mom is so difficult. So while I know I shouldn't sacrifice TJ's sleeping for my own neediness, I did it anyways. And guess what... I would do it again.
P.S. Yes, that is a diaper on my head. It was full of ice, I was so hot after my cesarean section that the student nurse got me a diaper full of ice and put it on my head. Still not sure why they just didn't give me an ice pack as I am confident they have those at the hospital, but oh well.
